There is a life after the collapse – concerned tell how they have changed their lives after the collapse.
Gloria W., 41, project manager in an IT department
The time before
Gloria W. is the project manager of an IT change in an international bank. In the last 5 years she has witnessed 2 restructurings, the last one not yet completed. She is confident in her job but has to balance many uncertainties with employees.
Until 3 years ago she was very dedicated and enthusiastic in the job because supported by a “super boss”, as she emphasizes. Mrs. W. has worked her way up from the very bottom. Since her boss was replaced, she is under a lot of stress and pressure, receives less feedback, is increasingly unsure whether her performance fits, the work has become more, overtime and weekend work are the rule. She takes less and less time for friends or leisure activities, in the evening she is often so exhausted that only television is possible.
In the last 8 months, sleep disorders and concentration disorders increase, she feels that everything is growing over her head, she is always ill, but she does not make it long to go sick with the conviction: “is currently not possible” . She tries to hide headaches with medications. She feels empty and exhausted, she does not feel like anything anymore and she keeps crying on the way to and from work. After a circulatory collapse, she decides to take advantage of accompaniment.
How did I feel?
I’ve always said, “stick it out, you just have to stick it out” then everything will be fine again. It goes by, just the one project, and then you take your time. Persistence – that can’t be that difficult, I’ve managed everything yet. I know this enduring from home. That was my mother’s slogan. And my father then added one more thing and added it – “We do not only have to go through it” – so we have to endure it. For me that was just normal – I did not know it otherwise, until my body then literally went on strike and has practiced successive sabotage of me. Otherwise I would not have accepted or accepted it otherwise. In addition, I have been the master of repression and unwillingness until it simply stops working.
What am I doing differently now?
“I enjoy life again. I always wanted to please everyone. I wanted to be liked – that’s what I’ve done things for. If I already wanted to go home, and my boss came in principle always five minutes before I wanted to go home with an urgent task on me – then I have not managed to say no, but have readily accepted. How many times I transferred friends because of this – was unlikely. Of course, many were angry because I just could not manage to tell my boss that I had an urgent appointment. But it was like that. The exciting thing was that in “I have to make it all right”, I was not included. So everyone was right – except me! I noticed that only during the accompaniment.
I try to say a friendly no. The world does not go down just because I can not take over things. I already have these inner patterns very long. It is a daily practice not to tip back into the old patterns.